Taking Care of Ourselves During the Holiday Season

Holiday season is upon us!

For some, the holidays evoke feelings of joy, for others, dread maybe a more accurate description of the feelings associated with this time of year.

Regardless of if or what you celebrate, this time of year typically comes with expectations, pressure, and challenges aplenty.

A fundamental part of taking care of ourselves during this season is setting healthy boundaries. Boundaries are defined rules or limits that someone establishes to protect their security and wellbeing around others; we identify and express how other people can behave around us and what we need so that we feel safe. Setting boundaries can have many benefits to our emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being, including increasing self-awareness, improving communication, and feeling more in control.

Below we have outlined some tips that can be utilized to set boundaries and subsequently decrease stress this holiday season:

1. Practice Self-Awareness

The first step in boundary setting is figuring out what you need to feel safe and secure. Spending time to reflect on your needs is a fantastic first step and will allow you to set the foundation for your boundaries.

Ask yourself :

“What do I need to do to manage the holidays?”

“What can I not handle this holiday season?”

“What do I want to do this holiday season?”

“What has worked well during previous holidays?”

“What has not worked well during previous holidays?”

“How can I take care of myself during this time of year”

Consider writing down the answers to these questions to have a physical reminder of your needs as things come up during the holidays.

2. Start Small

It’s common to experience discomfort with setting boundaries, especially when starting out. While you 100% deserve to tell people what you need without feeling guilty, doing so can be hard. Start by setting a small boundary in a space that feels more manageable, or with a person you feel comfortable with. You could even create a list of boundaries you’d like to set and then rank them from what feels easiest to what feels hardest and start with the one ranked easiest.

An example of a small boundary may be: telling a trusted family member that you will come to their holiday party but you will be leaving by a certain time.

Of course, what feels small vs. big is different for everyone, and there is no right or wrong boundary to start with. If it makes you feel more comfortable, you can offer an alternative when setting a boundary. For example, if someone asks you to do something you aren’t comfortable with (i.e., going holiday shopping with a friend at the mall), you can provide an alternative (i.e., getting a coffee after they are done with their holiday shopping).

3. Use “I Statements”

“I Statements” can help keep the focus on expressing your thoughts, feelings, and opinions without worrying what others are thinking. Describe your reaction to an unwelcome situation and why you have that response, then clearly lay out what you need to feel secure:

“I feel ____ when ____ because ____. What I need is ____”

Example: Let’s say you see a relative who makes a comment about your weight that makes you feel uncomfortable. Using “I statements” you could say:

“I feel uncomfortable when my weight is commented on because I struggle with my body image and comments on my body perpetuate these struggles. What I need is to focus on the non-physical things about me”.

4. It’s Okay To Say “No”!

People who struggle with boundaries often feel guilty when they say no and hate to disappoint people. While there may be times when disappointing someone is unavoidable, (and that is ok!), the best way to avoid disappointing people is to clearly communicate (ahead of time, if possible) what you can and cannot do. This allows them to adjust their expectations or make other plans.

Saying no actually means you know your value and respect yourself enough to stand up for your beliefs!

Example: Let’s say you are invited to sleepover at a friend’s house on New Year’s Eve but you don’t feel comfortable doing so, or simply don’t want to. Honor your needs and desires, and kindly say no. Something along the lines of, “thank you for the offer but I’m going to sleep at home” is a definitive, clear, and respectful way to say no.

5. Remember, Boundaries Are Useful For Everyone!

Many people fear that boundaries will create conflict or distance in their relationships, but boundaries actually improve relationships! Setting your boundaries may initially be met with resistance, but most people will adjust to them, and your relationships will be strengthened by clearer communication, fewer misunderstandings, and greater trust, respect, and connection.

Consider sharing with trusted friends or family that you are working on boundary setting. Letting someone know you are working on boundary setting could provoke a meaningful conversation surrounding the importance of boundaries and help them learn how to respect others’ boundaries and set their own!

Above all -

Remember, your needs are valid and legitimate, and you deserve to have them met!

Wishing each and every one of you a holiday season defined by your needs and desires!

If you feel like you could use additional support with boundary setting, Straight Up Health’s Mental Health Professionals can help! Many of our clinicians are seeing clients over the holidays.